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Jesus, For Me & Against Me

Four AM came early this morning, as it always does….except that normally it comes and goes unnoticed by anyone but those saints on the Night Watch or the saints at Lamars.   This morning’s four AM, however, was recognized by Kelsey and I…as it was marked by Zoe announcing loudly “The baby….she is crying!’

While technically correct – one of the twins was whimpering – the real issue was that now, having done her duty as a big sister, Zoe was wide awake.   By 4:30am, I was downstairs with her, sharing the Big Chair, drawing on her doodle pad for her.  A fish. An airplane. A caterpillar.

This earlier-than-normal wakeup call from the curliest of alarm clocks gave me a few minutes in the Bible before heading to the prayer room.  Sometimes it’s good to read without the soundtrack of intercession behind you.   That was the case this morning, as I read the early verses of the Sermon on the Mount…that brief passage where Jesus spoke the simplest of instructions that prove to be the hardest to follow.

Blessed are the poor in spirit.  Those who mourn.  The meek.

Everything He tells me to do goes against my very nature.  Perhaps that’s what He had in mind all along.   Reading it this morning, it reminded me of how Jesus is at once for me, working in my life for good, and against me in the sense that He presses all the buttons that reveal what I cannot bear.

He provides for my salvation, which I seem to fight with a vigor at times. My best efforts to sabotage his redemptive work in my life always meet with His resistance though.  Valuing free will, He would let me go should I demand it…yet in His wisdom He refuses to make it easy.  From the outside, I appear to be a man fighting off a rescuer and losing gloriously.

He is for my development as a leader and manifests that by exposing my weakness as a leader. For someone bent on making me into something, He seems perfectly comfortable with revealing how little I am.  Then, with the gap between calling and reality exposed to all, He moves in and fills the gap.  When all is said and done, any success I find at all is clear to all to be the result of divine intervention.

He is for my nourishment and therefore He cultivates my own hunger. The human spirit seems to be the only entity on the planet that, left to itself, will become fat and lazy.   Anything in the animal kingdom that fails to hunt or gather grows manic and frantic, eventually dying.  However, when left to itself, my spirit atrophies into a lump the consistency of yesterday’s play-doh…alive, but nothing resembling vibrancy.  Yet when I’m hungry for Him, I find myself feasting.

Jesus is for you today.  He is so for you that He may even cooperate with the difficulty in your life to bring about the best for your life.

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2 Responses

  1. Just last night I had a similar thought, but you wrote it way more eloquently than I said it in my head.

    I have been distracted most all of last week and have been feeling blue. I knew in my head that I just really needed to get on my face before God and pour my heart out, but I resisted…why? Got me. It just seemed…easier…to be blue and miserable. It was the flesh-vs-spirit thing again, and can I just say, I get so tired of that battle! I feel like what you are talking about is my reality right now – except I am kinda stuck in the uncomfortable in between phase where you feel the ouch but don’t see much result.

    As I always say “nobody likes growth”, but I think I like the end results without the growing pains that come with it. (Is that spiritual maturity for you, or what???)

    🙂

  2. A friend of mine always says, “I’m in love with a Man who’s trying to kill me.” Yeah. Pretty much.

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