I’m mulling through my morning with far less than my usual punch, having had the wind taken out of my sails with a dream I had just before waking up.
After the bravado of the previous post, “All They Can Do Is Kill Us“, I might have expected to take a whack or two to my inner man. What I didn’t expect was the angle of the bat or how it would hit me right behind the ear.
Without delving into the darkness of it, I had a dream about one of my kids that left me weeping in the dream. They hadn’t died…but they were facing a challenge that I was afraid they weren’t ready for and I was devastated at what might become of it all. They were bold, stepping up to the challenge, but I feared they didn’t know what they were getting into and would have given anything to save them the pain and difficulty that I knew they would face.
I woke up facing the cold reality that while I believe I would have what it takes to face the martyrs bench with boldness, the very thought of my children going there leaves me like a pile of rubble. It is one thing to inwardly prepare yourself to suffer, it is an entirely different thing to watch your children do the same.
I’m being asked the question today “Is your faith in God or is your faith in your personal resolve?”.
It’s a fair and horrible question…and I did not answer well in my dream. Mark the lesson learned and consider the application still in process.
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