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On the other hand…

I’m mulling through my morning with far less than my usual punch, having had the wind taken out of my sails with a dream I had just before waking up.

After the bravado of the previous post, “All They Can Do Is Kill Us“, I might have expected to take a whack or two to my inner man. What I didn’t expect was the angle of the bat or how it would hit me right behind the ear.

Without delving into the darkness of it, I had a dream about one of my kids that left me weeping in the dream. They hadn’t died…but they were facing a challenge that I was afraid they weren’t ready for and I was devastated at what might become of it all. They were bold, stepping up to the challenge, but I feared they didn’t know what they were getting into and would have given anything to save them the pain and difficulty that I knew they would face.

I woke up facing the cold reality that while I believe I would have what it takes to face the martyrs bench with boldness, the very thought of my children going there leaves me like a pile of rubble. It is one thing to inwardly prepare yourself to suffer, it is an entirely different thing to watch your children do the same.

I’m being asked the question today “Is your faith in God or is your faith in your personal resolve?”.

It’s a fair and horrible question…and I did not answer well in my dream. Mark the lesson learned and consider the application still in process.


8 Responses

  1. Randy,

    Your blog has left me crying. You are so right. In your previous blog you asked, “what causes quaking within you?” and my answer is that I would not have done right by my children. That I would leave them unprepared for the life they are called to live.

    It is incredible what happens to us when we become parents. Life’s focus shifts to something so much more than ourselves and when you realize that you have a world changer living in your home it really makes you step back and look at your role a little differently. (Well, at least it does for me)

    Thank you for your post.

  2. I agree with you Nikole, realizing you’re not the world changer you thought you were, but your child IS, is a defining moment, and it changes everything. Having the courage to set the example for them doesn’t lie within us-it comes from God.-and just as He gives us the courage-He will give it to them when it’s their turn to stand.

  3. My senior year in high school I played basketball. We went 25-0, winning a bunch of really close games. It drove my parents nuts to watch. I came away knowing it was easier for me to play than for my parents to watch.
    You have great kids who are being trained up in the fear of the Lord. Have confidence that when trouble comes God will provide and be well pleased with your children and with you.. None the less, it is a good thing that you tremble.

  4. Wow. I’m having a hard time saying anything else. Maybe a Huh.

  5. First let me introduce myself~my name is Sarah Johns and I am PA friends of the Louxes. I have been following your page since just before you rescued the twins. I really enjoy your blog so I keep coming back to see what the Lord has you share but since you don’t know me, I keep quiet. Today’s blog has me needing to comment. I am a bit further advanced in the parenting role than you my 5 kids range from almost 31 to 21 and I am the perfect age for me: 45. So before you start to figure out that my soon to be 31 yr old daughter was born when I was 14, she’s my step-daughter. Oh and I also am the proud grandma of 3 little ones. Your love for God and your family blesses me, it is truly beautiful. I didn’t raise my kids the way you are, I have had some long rough patches in the journey of rasing them ~ but God. I have been learning more about the Father’s love & Jesus’s sacrifices through being a grandmother. Our daughter gave us the first grandchild and I remember the battle I fought for her even before she was even born! I only knew of her existance 2 months before her birth but the fierce love I felt for her was overwhleming! I often hear the Lord speak to me and set me free from decade old bondages as I love on those 3 little ones. I often would look at folks like yourself and beat myself up because I shoulda been more like you when I raised my kids but I have seen prayer make an incredible difference. I suggest maybe the Lord wants to give you a new strategy of prayer for your children to help prepare them for the certain battles ahead? Anyways, I aso wanted to write because I want to encourage you that I believe you would be brave enough to do whatever it took, with God’s strength! I went to Israel almost 6 yrs ago. I am not known for being a brave person, I am not one who has had opportunity to travel before or since. In the past I was one who always played it safe if it was possible. I certainly didn’t want to stand out. But I knew that the Lord opened the door and everything lined up for me to go. Many couldn’t believe I would go. Note the timing. I was planning to go when the people in the land wore gas masks because of the expectation of chemical warfare. I arrived in Israel just after they took off their gas masks. Prior to going, after I had committed to go, I had a dream. In it I was in a town square, I had been being chased by someone with a gun and I knew I was cornered. I remember making the mental accent to immenient death. I thought about alot in a brief moment, fear was certainly in the mix. I thought of my husband & children (I wasn’t a grandma yet.) what I would want to say to them, how much I loved them. Then just as quickly the fear left, peace rested on me and I found myself interceding for my persecuter, my executioner and the words of Christ, Father forgive them, they know not what they do. Then I woke up. Some fear came in for a short time period about the trip. Prior to the dream I wondered if I was strong enough to face that kind of scenario. I hadn’t seen myself as a brave person, in fact fear would normally have kept me far from taking a trip like that but I had a calm resolve that the Lord was sending me, despite my lack of being a hero in the Lord I would expect God would send. He gave me the scripture of sending the foolish to confound the wise as my scripture to cling to as I prepared to go. So when fear tried to take up residence after the dream, I was wisely asked, are you sure the Lord is sending you? I said yes and I was told than you have nothing to be afraid of and the fear left me. I knew the Lord had my back and would arm me with whatever I needed as I went. I didn’t do this alone, many were interceding for this “brave little girl” as I was there. I only got scared a couple times while there and both times it turned into nothing. He provided amazingly as I stepped way beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. You are on the frontline of some amazing things the Lord is doing, I know He will give you the strength to continue to fight long after your own ability runs out!

  6. Just had a long discussion about this whole post in our Omega Course. Thanks for keeping it real. I understand my own propensity to weakness and although I want to be strong and courageous the idea of my children having to face many of the events of the end times makes me tremble…in fear…to be honest.

  7. I had a little “vision” one day while meditating in the Bethany Room about Shiloh and what she would have to face one day. As a little girl a huge mountain loomed before her and I had to let her go alone. I cried as I stared at the enormous peak and wondered how she would be able to make it. Had I taught her all that she needed to know. Just as I started to cry in my dream, Shiloh turned and lept from the rock that she was on. She looked like she was flying and with fearless eyes landed in Jesus’ arms. She would not have to climb that mountain just yet and when she did she would have the same guide that I did. I realized that day that I have a massive job in preparing her and giving her the tools to dig her own well in God. But in the end I am not alone and it leads me to pray for her even more. Your post provokes me.

  8. yes, our strong Saviour.. One to rely on.. amazing what some trials have helped me see Him as.. so close and talking if we just listen..

    I cringed today just hearing what sounded like my son possibly about to weep after a fall sound!!

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