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    updated 8.29.11

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    If you'd like a short list of immediate financial needs, you can find it HERE.

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Adam McArthur, your couch has left the building.

An Open Letter to Adam McArthur.

Hey there big guy. It’s Christmas again and we’re remembering back to when you and your South African bride lived in our basement, two years ago. I remember going for coffee – my 5 and a half foot self, and you, just a frog’s hair under seven freakish feet tall. I rode with the seat slid so far forward and you rode with it slid so far back that it looked like I was your chauffeur.

Anyway, those months you all lived in the basement, you hauled a couch down there. Couchzilla, to be exact. It was huge. It actually came from the Titanic, where it saved hundreds of lives as people climbed on it’s floating frame in the icy waters. They all sat on this behemoth floating couch until help picked them up. It’s that big.

If you remember, you and another guy of neandertholic size wrestled with this couch like two drunks wrestling a live tuna – and that was go get it DOWNstairs, with gravity on your side. Of course, when you left, you took your wife, your embryonic son, your stereo and your crock pot, but you left that couch.

Well, buddy, it was time for that couch to go bye-bye. Who did I have to help me? My three sons, who, if weighed together come in at 30 lb less than your leg. Drastic times call for drastic measures, and drastic measures are made up of drastic people, so we did what needed to be done.

Yep.

We chain sawed and hacked that baby into pieces and it now rests at the curb, because it’s Bulky Trash night.

And that’s a whole ‘nother post, my friend.

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10 Responses

  1. One question:
    Did you use a chainsaw in the basement?

    If so, then one comment:

    COOL!

  2. I cannot believe you asked that.

    Of course I did.

  3. That was by far the quickest answer ever

  4. I want to hear about Bulky Trash Night.

  5. Ok, I am about to leave a comment but the mixture of laughter and tears is making it hard for me to type…I will leave one in just a moment (this is someone else typing for me. Some random person in the prayer room. They tripped over my behemoth legs and so I asked them).

  6. We recently started attending FCF and I have to tell you that when I read your posts and then see you on a Sunday mornings with your family it’s like two totally different people and makes me laugh! I’m a ‘blog lurker’ and have never met you, but I’ve appreciated what you’ve written and the story of you and Kelsey adopting baby Zoe. And, now, next Sunday as I see you worshipping, I’ll have this picture of you with a chainsaw in hand, cutting the life out of a huge couch! LOL I love ‘real’ life! LOL

  7. This letter is hilarious, and even more so because I don’t even reach 5′ and I look even funnier standing next to Adam! I would love to have seen pics of that couch….

  8. Sweet mercy. I don’t even know Adam, but I just laughed so hard people were staring.

  9. @ Jen – again, a whole ‘nother post, but I’ll get to it.

    @ Adam – we miss you guys!

    @ Anon – get to know me and I’m at least 3 other people.

    @ Liz – I am to you as Adam is to me. Stand near me in pictures, girl.

    @ Shawn – those people were staring before you logged on, bro. I’m just sayin’….

  10. Bulky Trash Night has become a holiday in our family. Some people drive around and look at Christmas lights, other people drive around looking for treasure. It’s Zion’s favorite time of the month. When he sees a chair sitting by the curb he immediately asks, “Hey, Mom, can we go bulky trash hunting?” LOL!!!

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